♥ So over the past few months I have been nonstop revising and doing my A-levels, this took up basically all of my time which means I had not much time to do other things such as worry about results day never mind university. Once my Exams had finished, I was excited not only because of them being over but also because the next week I was flying off to sunny Menorca with my friends as part of a celebration and a sort of last goodbye, so obviously I was excited for this and having to pack, deciding what to bring and constantly telling myself not to forget my passport took up the time I had to think about the future.
Now that I'm home it's finally hit me, either I've done well and I'm going or I haven't done to good and I have to make alternative arrangements. Personally, I find this a very scary process, actually I'm petrified, the idea of having to stay here and look at the disappointment in people's eyes when I tell them I haven't gotten into university is beyond heartbreaking, knowing that I've worked so hard to get to where I want to be and then have it all taken away by one sheet of letters.
Although, it could go the other way, being that I get the grades I need and I go, this would obviously be the perfect outcome for me and knowing that it's just a few weeks away until I know just about how my life will pan out and whether success is on the cards or not. These next few weeks are going to be a killer, a problem I seem to have like many others, is over thinking. When I'm keeping myself busy it's not that bad, the thought of results day is in the back of my mind and I can get on with my day. However, it's when I go to bed, this is the time my mind works on overload, the thoughts of either getting in or not take over, sometimes reducing me to tears, it's weird how that works, once you're tired, your brain works faster and thinks more than it would when you’re going about your day.
Not only am I constantly thinking and worrying about results day, but also uni life itself, I’m moving hours away by myself, I’m one of those people who hate to be without my family, I get so homesick. This really makes me wonder why I chose universities so far away; I really wish I chose some closer to home. Although I’m really good with people and I’m easy to get on with I find it hard to push myself into certain situations and living with and around complete strangers is one of those situations. I’m scared.
Sometimes, probably like so many people in the same situation as myself, I just wish I could speed up time or travel to the future just so I can know whether to keep my hopes up or not, I hate not knowing, I'm so impatient. One thing I do need to remember is that I'm not the only one going through this, there are thousands of people in my situation and those thousands too have to wait to know their fate.
This does however come with it's advantages, it's good to know I'm not alone in this, so many people will have the same thoughts as I do and although it's hard, I need to be patient just like everyone else. The time will come eventually.
I hope this helped anyone with the same thoughts as me, anyone going though the same mind torture. Only a few more weeks, that's all.
Please feel free to leave your comments, all are appreciated.
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